January 21st was the day we both began. He started at Stevens Henager studying computer science and software development. I started at Maximum Tech School of Cosmetology. (Now The Paul Mitchell)
It started off amazing. A Dream come true to be honest, life was so good that we both were on a lifestyle change ultimate high. He was working his full time job at YESCO and going to school full time and I was going to school full time. Bills were paid and Aumari was taken care of. I was at school from 8:30am-5pm and he was home with her in those hours and when I got home, he left for school at 5:20pm-10pm and that was Tuesday-Saturday for me and school days for him were Monday-Thursday and him working Friday, Saturday and Sunday 4:30pm-6am....Are you confused yet?
Yeah it was crazy....
I got caught up in "school life" that I didn't want to deal with home life because I was just so sad...I was seriously so unhappy with everything around me. I had some personal issues that I hadn't taken care of that I was getting sucked back into my dark place but trying to hide it from everyone.
My Depression started to come back mid February when I got home from school and Zak had told me Aumari cried that whole day for me...From noon till 5 when I walked thru the door and she had been screaming "mama" and he wasn't able to get his homework done and she had snot running down her shirt, her face was red as an apple and she was running a fever....Zak failed his class that module because he was taking care of baby while I was away and couldn't get his work done. Not once did he complain. In fact he was so supportive that he without saying but in actions was showing that he would rather fail for me to succeed....True Love, right?
Now if you know me or my husband or my child, even...you know how happy we are. Even when we are upset, we are so easy to please by just a smile. My Child has never gone an hour without smiling or laughing and when I started school I watched my 1 year old become a stranger. I watched my marriage to my husband crumble...and I myself became someone else.
On February 18th Zak sent me this picture
It came with the caption "I think her lack of sleep is catching up to her"
When I got home my poor baby was so weak and tired I thought to myself "wow she really is tired"
as I put her in her car seat to take her Daddy to work I noticed she was cold so I grabbed a blanket and put it on her. She didn't have socks on, just sandals and the weather wasn't winter but it was sunny with a cold wind that had a bite to it. (if that makes sense) As I am driving my Husband to work I hear a gurgling sound and I look in my rear view mirror as my baby is limped over in her car seat, with blue lips and her eyes are rolling in the back of her head and she has droll just pouring out of her mouth. My immediate reaction is to yell at Zak that our child is dying and as I am sobbing and screaming and pulling our car over Zak is jumping out of the car before its even stopped and he is pulling her out of her car seat. He tells me she is burning up and to drive to the hospital and I can barely even comprehend whats going on because I am screaming "save my baby. Please Zak just save my baby" I could barely drive and was swerving all over the road that he had to punch me in the arm. I immediately call my father in law who is an ER Dr. and I handed the phone to Zak and he right away knew what was wrong with her. Aumari was suffering a febrile seizure, also known as a fever fit or febrile convulsion, is a convulsion associated with a significant rise in body temperature. They most commonly occur in children between the ages of 6 months and 5 years of age.
As we are pulling into the Hospital I drop Zak and Aumari off at the emergency room door and go park. I walk into the hospital and the receptionist tells me where to go. As I walk to the back my daughter is having a catheter put in and has an IV in her arm and they're getting ready to perform an X-ray on her...my immediate words out of my mouth are "what the hell are you doing to my baby?!" "please give me my baby back" as I am writing this I am breaking into tears...its hard to replay this in my head because I feel my heart just crushing because well, what parent wants this to happen to their child???
No parent should have to deal with this. No matter how minor or awful the problem, we as parents should not see our children with this many hands on them.
My Daughter Aumari is my whole life, and from the very moment she was born, she has been will power to survive. Seeing her this way was a living nightmare. I felt my insides dying with her.
My Mind is going many places as I have this lady asking me about Aumari's health history...my baby is a BABY....the only health "problems" she has had is ear infections and they put tubes in her ears and she has been perfect ever since...I was getting mad and impatient with this lady and told her to "shut up" when I really shouldn't have, but I just wanted my baby to wake up. She had gone unconscious and when they got her back awake she was a zombie...she couldn't even hold her arm up and when I held her, she was just heavy...she couldn't pick her head up and she was just staring at a wall, her eyes had no life in them.
When the Dr Came back to tell us what the test's results were it was exactly what my Father in law had said. He also noted that the reason she wasn't breathing was because her air way was getting cut off by her car seat strap... (head limped over with the strap pressed up against her neck) she was choking herself unintentionally.
About 2 hours later my Husband and his Brother had given Aumari a blessing and that moment when they took their hands off her head my baby was able to sit up and eat gold fish crackers and drink juice....a true Testimony of the Lord before my eyes...
Because Aumari wasn't dressed for the cold weather, the cold spiked her mild fever up to 105 which is the temperature of when it begins to kill your brain...My baby was dying...
She had an upper respiratory infection which I didn't know about because I was so busy with school that I didn't spend enough time taking care of and paying attention to my child. I was more concerned with other things...Zak had no clue she was sick, we both thought she was having separation anxiety...
Here we are now, in June. I decided to be a beauty school drop out and be a mommy instead. I have been dealing with some personal health stuff and I would rather just be home with my family instead. School is definitely meant for others, I loved beauty school honestly. I loved putting a smile on my guest's faces when I finished their hair. I loved some of the friendships I made and I absolutely loved my teachers/learning leaders. But in the time I WAS at school, I learned how important my family truly is. I would rather fail for my Husband and Daughter to succeed. I would rather be home and teach my Daughter her ABC's and how to go potty on the big girl toilet. Yes beauty school is only a year but so much can happen in a just one minute.
I learned a lot about myself. I went thru numerous trials in such a short amount of time. No no no this isn't a pity party for myself but it is a learning experience. Its a whole bunch of bad times that have evolved into one big good time. The good time I am speaking of is the moment when I learned that my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ accepts me for my worst and still will watch over me and my family even when I make stupid choices...I am so grateful for the time I had at Maximum, I am grateful for the few people who were there to help me out when I struggled. And I am even grateful for the girls I didn't get along with, because of them I learned my strengths and my weaknesses. I wont be going back to school. I'll be home helping Zak go to school.
Hurrah for Israel (as my Sister on a mission always says)
Hurrah for Israel, friends!
Life really is a learning experience. Yes we do make bad choices and mistakes but should turn them into learning experiences and not dwell on them.
I learned that the Lord is #1. That I should live everyday as if it were the last. I learned my Husband needs me...even when he says he doesn't, he really does. I also learned that socks are important. As silly as that sounds, socks save a life. I actually want to start a sock awareness this winter and get sock donations for low income families. Thoughts?
Anyways, until next time! <3
